Creamy Tomato and Gorgonzola Soup

Holy shizz. So remember a couple years ago when it became legally mandatory to post all of the sex offenders in a national sex offender registry? And it was like all the rage after an evening of watching How to Catch a Predator, to sit down with your loved ones and look up all of the sex offenders in your town, and to your horror, you'd find your mailman of 23 years, Gil, or Aunt Millie's wrinkled mug staring you in the face? You'd keep your fingers crossed hoping that it was only for taking a freak-a-leak behind the shed after three too many beers at the annual Labor Day picnic, but inside you were never quite sure? You were left wondering what your neighbors were doing in their spare time? Yeah, those were the good ole days...
Well I had the pleasure of reliving this great period in American history, just the other night, when I found myself asking "Do we ever really know our neighbors?" The answer to this, my friend, is not blowing in the wind. The answer, my friend, is NO. And so it begins...
Last week, my brother bought a treadmill off of Craigslist. This should have been my first clue that the night was going to be interesting. The word "Craigslist" alone is synonymous with weird. Like weird weird. Like the weird you only find in college dorm rooms. Like Bubble Boy weird. Anyway, you get the picture. Craigslist lived up to its reputation.

We drove up to the seller's house, (a frighteningly short drive), and Mr. Craig was waiting for us... Outside...
Before we even get to introductions,I can tell this guy is going to be awesome. Clad in a casual pair of distressed jeans, a screen printed t-shirt that said "affliction," this guy was nothing short of Leawood's John Gosselin. His outfit, coupled with his balding dome, had me feeling mortified for his children, and I sure as hell hope this doucher hasn't fathered eight of them.
He introduces himself as"Mike," which is also my brother's name and although I didn't know it then, served as the first of many comparisons he would make between the two of them.
We go downstairs to find the treadmill and my brother, Michael, attempts to make small talk. He is brilliant with small talk, a genetic gift he has inherited from my mother. However, I would not really call what unfolded before our eyes "small."In fact, Michael and I discovered some rather big issues about this man.

Michael: "This looks like a really nice treadmill."

Mike: "Yeah, that's not the only nice thing I'm getting rid of. I have got multiple huge flat screen t.v.'s, this massive house, and a portable,indoor sauna."

SMALL TALK TRANSLATION: I am a big loser. Let me attempt to impress you with these material goods, I have collected over the years.

Michael: "Oh cool. Well should we start to move this thing up the stairs?"
SMALL TALK TRANSLATION: Oh wow, this could be a long evening. Best to start it and get it over with.

Mike:"Yeah,yeah. You should move down to the light end and I will get the front."
SMALL TALK TRANSLATION: I feel threatened by your youth, and want to prove to you that I can still do things.

Michael: "Are you sure? I don't mind..."
STT: Please do not sue me when you herniate some discs mid-heart attack as you try to hold this thing
Mike: "No, no. I still got it. I look pretty good for my age, don't you think?"
STT: VALIDATION. NOW.

So they start to move this gigantic awkwardly shaped excuse for a good idea down the hallway and up the stairs when things start to get tense.My brother Michael is at the bottom of the stairs holding the majority of the weight while Mike is struggling mid staircase. Mike's face is getting very red. Mike's veins are starting to pulse. I am starting to have visions of this massive thing slip from Mike's grip, joy ride its way down the stairs, just shortly before crushing every bone in my eldest brother's body, having met his demise in his twenties on the carpet of this randomaniac's home. NOT GOOD.

Michael: "Is everything okay? Do you want to take a break?"
Mike: "No man, I got it. I'm just going to tie one end of this rope I found around the treadmill and the other around my neck..."

WHAT???!?!!!!??
So he is going to strangle himself before killing my brother? AWESOME.

So Mike, now wearing a leash, insists that he is okay and continues this Everest-esque trip up the stairs.

Then the thing gets stuck in the door frame. (A problem my brother brought up an hour earlier, which Mike brushed off...)
This is when things get interesting. Mike, who has taken to calling me "Les," now insists that I maneuver my way up the stairs, between them and the treadmill and start to unscrew the whole damn thing. I begrudgingly obey, we get the thing through the door and we are that much closer to having survived one of the scarier nights of our lives. Or so I thought. After we have the whole machine loaded into my brother's car- which nearly broke during the process, Michael is called back into Mike's house to look at pictures of his Russian girlfriend that Mike has printed off from the internet.

Mike: "Look at her! She is just average over there! Average!"
Michael: "Uh huh...wow..."
STT: maybe the less I say the faster I will be out of here?

Anyway, to make a long story somewhat shorter, I will just say we made it out alive, having learned quite a bit and grown as individuals. Incredible experience to say the least.
After returning to Michael's house I made a delicous creamy tomato and gorgonzola soup. The foodie connection to this whole story is that if you decide to make this soup, in all of its fiery red glory, just know that its color was the same as old man Mike's face when trudging up the stairs.

Ingredients:
Tomato juice
1 can tomatoes-any way you like
1 red pepper
1 onion
some garlic
gorgonzola cheese
some cream cheese
some heavy cream or milk

Saute garlic, onion and red pepper until onion is translucent. Pour in tomatoes and juice and bring to a simmer. Slowly add cheeses and stir to blend. When soup looks nice and blended add the milk. Serve with a grilled cheese or some crusty bread and indulge.

Crepes

Yesterday, when I got back from class, I had a strong craving for crepes. I also had quite a few potatoes lying around that I wanted to use up. So, naturally, I googled the two items, hoping to find a recipe for savory crepes with a potato filling. I have had great experiences with this technique in the past, and my heart swelled with excitement as I waited to see what google would produce for me. Milliseconds later, however, I had recipe after recipe for "Potato Crepes," but no potato filling in sight. As I read on, I began to come around to the idea of a crepe made entirely out of potato, egg, salt and pepper. I began to think I might give this a whirl. What's wrong with an Idahoian spin on an old French classic?

With the naivete of Little Red Riding Hood, I went ahead and began the dish, blissfully ignorant of the Big Bad Fried Potato Mess of a Wolf that was hiding in my ingredients.

So I washed, peeled, and sliced four whole potatoes, added an egg, some salt and pepper and through it on the skillet.

First of all, whoever thought that little pieces of potato could actually stick together and form a cohesive whole, was an idiot. This, literal "hott mess," looked nothing like a crepe, resembling instead some fake brain mass I would have stuck my hand into at a fourth grade Halloween party. This should have been my first clue that something was off.

After six very long minutes, I began to "flip," the "crepe." Hah. By that, I mean that I began to fling little burned, yet somehow still undercooked sections of shredded potato out of the skillet and all over the kitchen. AWESOME. That was the end of that.

Needless to say, the "Potato Crepe" is a total hoax, completely on par with that Bubble Boy crap, and a lawsuit against the chef, (who I am now calling The Potato Creep),would not be out of the question.

Damn Internet.

One massive burned potato mash later, I collected myself, regained my composure, and began to make the classic savory crepe that I had wanted all along. Realizing that the ingredients to a regular crepe are quite simple and more importantly, normal, I took another stab at it and was quite satisfied with the end results.

Smoked Salmon with Creme Fraiche and Capers Crepe

Papa al Pomodoro with Portabellos

My boyfriend and I made this one day over my fall break when my Oma came over for lunch. Upon seeing the two of us cooking, she promptly commented "Ahh! It iz so nice to see romaahnce in dee kitchen!"

I blushed like a red-headed seventh grader at a boy-girl party with poop on my shoe.

* 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, 3 turns of the pan, plus some for drizzling
* 4 to 6 cloves garlic, chopped
* 1 medium to large onion, finely chopped
* 1 (15-ounce) can diced tomatoes
* 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
* Salt and pepper
* 1 quart chicken stock
* 4 cups, about 1/2 pound, chopped or torn stale bread
* 2 (15-ounce) cans small white beans, such as Goya brand (smaller than cannellini beans)
* 1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano to pass at table
* 10 fresh basil leaves, torn, optional
*Pesto
*Prosciutto

Directions

Heat a medium soup pot over medium heat. Add 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, garlic and 3/4 of the onion. Cook 7 to 8 minutes, then add tomatoes and crushed tomatoes and season with salt and pepper. Add stock and raise heat to make the soup bubble. Reduce heat to simmer and add bread and beans. Stir soup as it simmers until it thickens to a stew-like consistency. Turn off heat, adjust seasonings and ladle into shallow bowls. Top with grated cheese, prosciutto, an additional drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil or pesto and a spoonful of reserved finely chopped raw onions. Torn basil is an optional garnish.

Eggs

Holy heart attack! These are incredible. Although not quite a breakfast of champions,(in fact, any activity while this dish is 'gesting in your belly is ill-advised), these eggs are to die for--pun intended! Served up in a way that would make Julia's morning, this breakfast is cheesy, creamy, and buttery. These eggs are scrambled, but the trick to this delectable faux-French dish in in the texture. Be sure to resist the urge to overcook, keeping them soft-set and delish!

Scrambled Eggs

• Servings: 2
• 3 large fresh organic eggs
• 3 tb sweet butter
• 2 tb half and half
• ½ tsp Kosher salt
• 2 tb pecorino romano, freshly grated
• 2 small sprigs basil
DIRECTIONS
1. In a small heavy bottom skillet, over medium-low flame, heat 1 ½ tb sweet butter until just golden brown (hazelnut looking)

2. Crack the eggs directly into the skillet and pour in 1 tb of half and half and add the ½ tsp kosher salt. If they break, don't worry, we're scrambling!

3. As the eggs cook scramble them gently with a fork. After a minute, grate the cheese directly into the skillet.

4. When the eggs are almost done, add the rest of the half and half and butter. This drops the temperature and prevents from over cooking and makes it silky smooth.

5. Mix everything together gently with the fork. Grate Remove the eggs from the pan piling them in a fluffy pile in the middle of a warm plate. Garnish with very small sprigs of basil and serve immediately.


6. Serve with your favorite morning drink, in a ridiculous mug that you just can't bear to toss.

Chili

To me, chili is synonymous with away football games in the fall. In fact, this chili is not unlike a life-saver. On these "football Saturdays," my mother and I often wouldn't see my brothers and dad for hours on end. Aside from the occasional scream, whoop, or holler that would emerge from the basement, we could have been on the moon and not known a difference. If it weren't for hourly chili refills, I probably would remember my male family members in little bits and pieces, like soldiers who are constantly leaving for war, or an uncle that stops by only when out of money or jail, and is never to be seen again for the next five years. A tad dramatic, I know, but I'm telling you, the spirit of "Football Season" overcomes these men like the Holy Spirit at a fundamentalist convention. Praise the Lawd!

Chili

Equal parts canned beans and canned diced tomatoes (usually 3 each). I like to use all different types of beans like butter, red, black and chili beans, to give the soup some variation and color. Sometimes, in a rather Jessica Seinfeld-esque way, I will even puree some beans and mix it in with the tomatoes for a thicker soup.

1 package lean ground turkey
1 Chili Seasoning packet
sour cream (optional)
shredded cheese of your choice (optional)
shredded coconut (optional)
tortilla chips (optional)

In a skillet, cook turkey over medium-high heat. While "browning," (the leaner the turkey, the lighter it will remain), combine beans, tomatoes, and seasoning packet in large pot and bring to a simmer.

When turkey is fully cooked, add it to the pot of soup. Add the rest of the ingredients to taste. It is insanely easy!

Gyros with Tzatziki

This meal was, as Sandra Lee would say, "Semi-Homemade." Not all that appetizing, but I like this gal's pluck and shiny outlook on things, despite the fact that she has come to grips with the notion that she really won't ever have the time or energy to make something from scratch. As a college student, I have the luxury of being able to say that "Time is on my side," like some crooner on a soft-rock radio station, and I don't always have time. So I'ma throw that lady a bone, and say, "I hear ya, Blondie, and I appreciate your sense of reality."

Okay, so by "semi," I meant just one ingredient was home-made. And get this Martha, it was only a sauce, a sauce that merely required some folding in of ingredients. What it lacks in complexity, though, it makes up for in taste. I give you Tzatziki:

(This recipe comes from the Greek cooking class I took when I studied in Athens. Stavros, my Athenian teacher, gave it to me. If you knew Stavros, you would know that he would want this recipe barked aloud, in a heavy Greek accent with a heaping dose of agitation.)

TZATZIKI DIP

INGREDIENTS FOR 1 ½ KILO

STRAINED YOGHURT 750gr

CUCUMBERS 800gr

GARLIC 5 cloves

FRESH MINT 1 bunch

FRESH DILL 1 bunch

OLIVE OIL ½ tea cup

WINE VINEGAR 2 table spoons

SALT ¾ of a tea spoon

PEPPER ¼ of a tea spoon

OUZO 2 table spoons

METHOD

First we pass the cucumbers from the grater and leave them for an hour in the strainer.

We make sure that all the juices have gone.

Then we chop the mint the dill and the garlic very fine and we mix them together with the yogurt and the cucumber. Now we add the salt-pepper-oil-vinegar and ouzo and mix again until make sure that is ready. We cover the bowl and keep it in the refrigerator. We can serve it with vegetable sticks and pitta bread.

I put mine on warmed pita with falafel from a box--surprisingly good.

Alright, I know I have put you and all of the rest of the real Foodies through a whirl wind of food related debaucheries today, but I'm about to slam you with the ultimate in Foodie crimes.

The Sultan of Sick.

The College Cliche.

I PUT THIS ON RAMEN NOODLES!!! Bwaahahahahahaaa! I know, I know, I should be balls deep in embarrassment right now, but to Hell with it, I am a college student after all...

Apple Pie

I got this recipe when researching another related ingredient/product for class. Nothing like productivity!

1 ready-to-use refrigerated pie crust (1/2 of 15-oz. pkg.)
4 oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
3 red and/or green apples (1-1/4 lb.), thinly sliced
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 Tbsp. flour
1 tsp. cinnamon sugar
1 cup thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping
Make It!
HEAT oven to 450ºF.

LINE 9-inch pie plate with crust. Carefully spread cream cheese into 6-inch circle in center.

TOSS apples with granulated sugar and flour; spoon over cream cheese.

FOLD crust partially over apples; sprinkle with cinnamon sugar. Bake 25 min., covering loosely with foil the last 5 min. Cool. Serve topped with COOL WHIP. Refrigerate leftovers.